The Great Judicial Jamboree: How Biden’s DOJ Played Whack-A-Mole with Trump’s Appeals

In the latest episode of “America’s Funniest Legal Fiascos,” Biden’s Department of Justice (DOJ) has taken the role of the grumpy carnival barker, making sure Donald Trump’s appeals to the courts are about as effective as a chocolate teapot. It’s all in good fun, right? Who doesn’t enjoy a bit of judicial tomfoolery at the expense of one of the most litigious former presidents in history?

Let’s dive into the comedy that unfolded as the DOJ, under the watchful eye of President Joe Biden, decided to take the role of judicial gatekeeper more seriously than a teenager guarding their social media from parental eyes.

First off, the appeals courts. Ah, these bastions of legal wisdom, or should we say, the new playground for political shenanigans? The DOJ, acting with the subtlety of a sledgehammer at a china shop, has been accused of orchestrating a symphony of denials for Trump’s appeals with all the finesse of a toddler with a drum set. “Politically motivated?” you ask. Oh, heavens no, it’s just a coincidence that every time Trump attempts to appeal, the courts seem to have a sudden case of the “we don’t want to deal with this” syndrome.

Now, let’s talk about the humor in this scenario. Imagine Trump, in his gold-plated office, surrounded by advisers who are more versed in reality TV than in law, crafting appeal after appeal with the seriousness of someone trying to convince everyone that the moon is made of cheese. Each appeal, meticulously prepared, only to be met with a judicial eye-roll so powerful it could be seen from space. The DOJ, meanwhile, with a smirk, sends back each appeal with a note saying, “Try again, but this time with less hubris.”

One particular highlight was when the DOJ appealed a decision to appoint a special master to review documents seized from Mar-a-Lago, arguing that it was all about national security, not about putting a spoke in Trump’s legal wheel. Oh, the irony! It’s like watching a magician perform the same trick over and over, but with different excuses each time. The courts, bless their impartial hearts, went along with this narrative faster than you can say “election interference.”

And let’s not forget the public’s reaction. Half of America seems to be enjoying this legal ping-pong match, popcorn in hand, while the other half is convinced it’s all part of a grand conspiracy to keep Trump from his rightful throne. The courts, in their infinite wisdom, have decided this is the perfect time to remind everyone that “justice is blind,” especially to former presidents who like to stir the political pot.

In conclusion, if you were looking for a straight-faced, serious analysis of how the judicial system is navigating these waters, you’ve come to the wrong place. Instead, we’re here to laugh at the absurdity of it all – where appeals are met with the judicial equivalent of a “nope” GIF, and the DOJ plays the role of the strict librarian, shushing any attempt at legal comeback from Trump. It’s a circus, and we’re all just here for the show, wondering when the next act will begin.

So, here’s to Biden’s DOJ, the maestros of this legal comedy, ensuring that Trump’s appeals are more like a game of musical chairs where the music never stops, and Trump is always left standing. Bravo, gentlemen, bravo.